Neesha's Story: Fear No Longer Holds Me
My name is Neesha. I was 31 when what I thought was going to end me happened. I started seeing a guy. He had a camper, I had a truck. What was supposed to be a weekend getaway turned into something I've only seen in movies. This guy had me so wrapped. He preyed on my vulnerability. I was attracted to his evil.
When we arrived at the camping spot he invited a couple friends. That was the first time I saw a glimpse of who he really was. Him and said friend had a disagreement. I stopped him from beating the kid with a steel pipe. Days passed and the mind games began. In tears I said I wanted to go home.
He turned to me and said get in the truck, He said he was going to take me home. Sped up to a nearby boat ramp and told me to say goodbye. Drowning was my biggest fear and he knew that. He stopped the truck. We went back to the campsite where he held a knife to my throat and told me to make a video telling my kids goodbye.
After crying and pleading with him he pulled down his pants. While the knife was still at my throat he forced me to do oral until I choked so much I passed out. Days went by. Nights were the scariest. There were other people involved and I would lay there tied up (he screwed the mattress to the board underneath) watching only shadows to see what was going to happen next. Awful things. The men got off on my fear.
I begged him to end my life at that point. One day when I was free to move, I found a bottle of pills and went to swallow them all. He stopped me. I was so sick. One of the times I was raped a tampon got shoved and stuck inside of me and gave me an infection that spread quickly. I could barely move.
The last thing he did to me was wrapped me in thick plastic to suffocate me. I snapped, I started laughing and I was happy. I thought it was finally ending. Instead, he stopped. It was no longer fun at that point. He poked a hole in my fuel injector and removed a spark plug in hopes the truck would catch fire.
Told me to go, get as far as I could. It was now a cat and mouse game to him. I drove an hour away, pulled into a car wash and called the police. They showed up so quick. Had a warrant within two hours and found him. Arrested him right away. He is now serving 20 years in prison. Should be more but at least he is in a cage where he belongs and can't do what he did to me to anyone else.
I thought I would be forever trapped in the prison in my mind but I found a higher power and it set me free. I still have night terrors and flashbacks but fear no longer holds me. I am now a warrior and share my story to help as many women as I can. We are not alone and I'm here to tell you it does get better.
Comments
Michelle Shaughnessy said:
You are definition of a true warrior! What you overcame and are still standing is a miracle of sorts!
It was your smart sense that got you through this- if you can overcome that you can handle anything life throws at you girl!
So proud of my new family member❤️
Kathi Naumann said:
I am in AWE of your Resilience and Strength! And was inspired to comment and applaud You. You truly are Amazing! I was subjected to trauma as a child and it truly never stopped. I was also attracted to the “Evil” or power of such men as a teen. I jumped right into that world at 19, by getting married and having children with a violent gang member, after 7 months of so called dating. The real violence started the night before our wedding, where he beat me up, making sure not to leave marks above my shoulders, due to the neckline of my wedding gown being that high. I was also 5 months pregnant. And after he was done punching, hitting and kicking me, he took his short barrel shotgun, loaded it and had pinned me to the floor, with the barrel to my temple. I know I went into shock, and after a while of drunken ranting, he put the gun away… And proceeded to stand over me and urinate all over me. I didn’t get up, I couldn’t move. Two hours later, he finally came to, and was so upset at what he had done… Now I’m sure it was only because of what others would think. So I still got married that next day. Totally numb, and hollow. It didn’t even feel like me doing it.
And it only got worse for the next two years. I lost a baby, in between my 2 children by him, due to a severe beating. I was raped and beaten numerous times by him, anal and vaginal, as he got off on violence. Which later had to be surgically reconstructed.
He was an addict and a severe alcoholic. When he had both in him, there was gonna be blood spilled, mine. No matter how many times I escaped and went to shelters with my very young son, we were always found. The police never really helped either, this was back in the 80’s in NY, and all I ever heard was “ Lady clean your self up (meaning the blood) and stop screaming. You’re disturbing the neighbors. They’d take him as far as the end bed of the block, and give him an appearance ticket for court. Then he’d be right back and attack me again. I devised a plan when pregnant with my second child, and got away. After a nightmare of a divorce and constant stalking, I had full legal and physical custody of my children…with a “Permanent Order of Protection” for the rest of my life! Not that it really did any good! But Thank You judge!
I moved out of state, and hid. Even went so far as to change my name, and never give SS#’s out (even to schools) And we lived in 2 different states, always hiding, because we were found several times, and threatened. Even though he was All mouth at the time, his mother wasn’t. She grew up in that life, so it wasn’t abnormal to her. And she spearheaded the campaign to find us.
My life continued to be a scary place after that, though I tried not to show it, for the sake of my children. My son and I were naturally both diagnosed with PTSD, and he was only 3. It’s been a rough life for us, after all that, he needed a lifetime of special help which luckily continued to find. But it impacted his life greatly, and mine.
I still suffer from CPTSD, and continue to work on me. I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs, and my therapist is still amazed at how Resilient and strong I am to not be an addict in any way.
After almost 40 years, I’m still standing, and have fought against every demon I’ve encountered thru out my life.
I am Strength, even when I don’t feel it!
I am Resilient, even when I think I’m going to give up!
And I continue to put one foot in front of the other, always heading towards my glorious future.
Thank you so much for listening. I didn’t mean for this to be so long but I wanted to let You know how much You inspired Me.
Sharlean Williamson said:
You go girl, I’m sorry that you had to endure what you did with that psycho, but am glad that you survived to grow stronger and share your story.
I honestly thought my life was gell with my ex narcissistic sociopathic jerk.
But your story makes mine feel like child’s play!
I’m glad you are safe and lived to tell your story!
Kimber Goodwin said:
You’re a beautiful person and a true warrior. The darkness couldn’t hold you. I’m glad you’re here today with a testimony that will touch so many lives. Keep sharing your story and giving hope to the hopeless.
Much love,
Kimber.
Gretchen Feitz said:
God bless you! From victim to survivor to warrior!
Lori Wise-Dowd said:
Neesha!
I’m so glad you are alive to tell your story. My God what an ordeal you have been through. You are a true Warrior in every way. I’m in awe of you, truly!!
Peace to your heart.
Lori
Sherri said:
Neesha, you are a badass warrior! I am so sorry for what you suffered but I am so grateful that you survived and kicked ass! I hope your life is now filled with peace and joy. I send this message with so much love. Be well, sister.
Shannon said:
This broke my heart. So glad you survived. Thank you for sharing this story. The strength you have is incredible
Meredith H said:
Remember this: After everything life has thrown at you, you’re still here. That means you’re UNDEFEATED! You’re not just a survivor, you’re a warrior… and I truly believe that in the moment you laughed at him, it was your soul showing him what you were made of. You proved to yourself most importantly that you are worth surviving that hell. By sharing your story, you’re taking your power back more and more. One day the flashbacks will fade, and the nightmares will cease. I promise. You’re more than your trauma… you’re a fkn superhero. And it is an honor to read your story 🫶🏻
PS: I feel like you’d make one hell of a self defense instructor for women in DV shelters and communities. 💪🏻🙂