Amber's Story - Finding STRENGTH after the Evil Narcissist
I’ve been broken down to the lowest of lows, losing all respect and self-worth for myself. I could look at myself in the mirror and not even recognize who I was.
Why do you identify with the Beautiful Disaster brand?
After surviving a little over eight years with a narcissist who cheated, lied, and stole from me and our daughter, I found enough strength to leave. I am trying to regain my confidence, continue healing, and move forward with the life that I deserve. I believe it is crucial to share my experience with other women because my story may help another woman survive.
Tell us your Beautiful Disaster story.
Most people would assume that when a man and woman meet in church, God will be at the center of their relationship, making it pure. That may have been true initially, but it didn’t last long. Soon, all I could see were the devilish eyes and wicked ways. The relationship started with walks on the beach and dinner dates. After a couple of months, I began catching him in lies and being sneaky with his phone, which led to accusations. He told me I was cheating on him and sneaking around with my ex. Things escalated quickly, and when I wanted to end it, the sweet side reappeared, making me believe he genuinely wanted to change. He proposed on the beach, and things seemed good for a few months again. His adult son, his girlfriend, and their dog moved in with us for help. We got married, moved to a decent house on the water, and although the town was remote with only 200 people, things seemed fine (though I’m more of a city girl—love the country, but not to live in). My husband and I both got jobs at a resort, and within a month, his son and girlfriend were working there too. We all worked long hours, and then I met Mr. Narcissist, who came out with a vengeance. Not long after, I discovered I was pregnant. He started telling me I couldn’t speak to another man unless he was a family member, couldn’t hang out with friends, and even began pushing away my family. The mental and verbal abuse worsened. I started noticing cum on the insides of his pants and his shirts smelling like perfume. Despite his promises, things continued to deteriorate. I was spat on, called horrific names, and accused of cheating with my ex. He stole my phone and found an email from my ex, me, and our therapist, which included no private emails between us—only group emails with the therapist. My husband saw that my ex had called me by a nickname he used, “A+.” This was not sexual or something that should have triggered his rage.
My husband began charming people around us, claiming I was cheating and trying to drive a wedge between me and everyone in my life. I was often alone with our daughter for days because snowstorms kept him at work. I started hating life and didn’t want to wake up in the morning due to severe depression. I packed up some things, with nowhere to go but feeling that even the streets would be better than my current situation. His anger was out of control, and things had turned physical a few times, including being shoved down two flights of stairs. He threatened my life if I ever tried to get our daughter or see her again. He would repeatedly call me until I answered and convinced me to come back. Over a ten-month period, I had to undergo three neck surgeries. During this time, I saw the Devil’s hatred in his drug-induced, beady eyes.
He manipulated everyone out of my life, including my father, who stopped speaking to me. He lied about having cancer and undergoing chemo, had an affair, and stole my pain medication by cutting a slit in my pillowcase to take the pill bottle. He even stole money from our four-year-old’s piggy bank. I started having thoughts of not wanting to live anymore, with my daughters being the only thing keeping me going. Despite not being in contact with my older two daughters at the time due to him, I didn’t want to leave them without a mother, as I had lost mine to cancer in 2014. The threats, verbal, and mental abuse were now being displayed in front of our daughter. She was initially terrified and would run to me for comfort, but this angered him further. He began brainwashing her to believe I didn’t love her and was a bad person. I begged him to hold his anger until she was asleep, but it never changed; it only became more frequent and abusive.
What happened for you to turn it around?
One day, when he was charging at me, I knew it might be the end. Suddenly, my four-year-old stepped in front of him and said, “Don’t ever talk to my mommy like that again. You’re mean, and that is not okay.” It was at that moment my heart shattered, realizing I had allowed someone to make me lose my self-worth and respect in front of my little girl. I have four daughters, ranging in ages from 22 to 4, and I have raised them to always respect themselves and know their worth. Yet, I had not set that example in this relationship. I made a plan with my dad to leave, promising him I would never look back, as he had heard of my leaving one too many times with no results. I was determined to show my daughters that there is always a way out and that they should never accept being treated poorly. I have now been away from him for three months. I have our daughter with me, and he hasn’t even tried to see her once.
Name three things you’ve done to move closer to happiness:
1. My relationship with God has grown immensely because I was so brainwashed that I had blamed God for allowing such an evil man into my life.
2. I LEFT!
3. I realized how incredibly strong I am and proved that to my daughters by leaving.
What is your favorite Beautiful Disaster collection, past or present, and why?
It’s hard to choose just one, but if I had to, I would say the Bella Rose collection. My third daughter’s name is Ayrabella, and we call her Bella. Bella means "beautiful" in Italian, and I’m Sicilian. I called Bella after I had left that day, and I’ll never forget her words to me: “Mom, I am so happy that you were finally able to leave. I did not like seeing you like that. Hey, Mom… yes, my beautiful girl… You can be happy now and smile again.”