Julia's Story: Cold Case Victim to Warrior

I have been through a violent attack, rape, and stabbing; several cancer battles, and health issues like type 1 diabetes, brain aneurysm, thoracic aortic aneurysm, severe asthma, SMAD4, Cowden's Syndrome, and others.  Childhood violence, and beatings from my psychotic alcoholic father, sexually molested by older neighborhood boys; in addition to domestic violence relationships as an adult.  I'm still standing! I still struggle and am a work in progress, but am determined to work and grow through it all.

Over 25 years ago, I was doing a paper route in the early morning over Labor Day weekend. After the last paper was delivered, it was still dark and early in the morning. I heard heavy footsteps, but assumed it was another of the many joggers I had seen out running. Then the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I knew something felt off. The footsteps grew faster and louder and then I felt like I was bowled over by a freight train. It knocked the wind out of me. My attacker instantly put me in a chokehold and tried to drag me between two businesses, but I put up a hell of a fight and he was winded. He was too strong and succeeded in his mission and then produced a knife. He told me if I did everything he said, he would let me go. While he was trying to catch his breath, he set the knife down and I tried to grab it to throw it over the fence. Because of fear I was too slow and he grabbed the knife and demanded that I take my clothes off. I told him no and he launched into a vicious rape and attack. I knew he wasn’t going to let me go and that I was in the fight of my life. I was a single mother of two kids and thought of them and how their life would be without me. I thought if you are going to try to kill me, you are going to have to earn it! After the rape, he stabbed me several times in the throat and the face. I also received defensive stab wounds and cuts on my arms and hands. When he was aiming straight at my esophagus, I grabbed the knife and pulled up, and he pulled back, slicing to the bone in between my thumb and pointer finger on my dominant hand. I kept fighting to survive, but was also receiving cancer treatments, and was weak from the treatments and the rape and attack / fight. I knew I could not keep going at full steam then I choked on the blood in my mouth, and went limp. He kept looking up at the traffic that was picking up on the avenue, and back down at me. After watching me for a few minutes, he got up and ran from the scene. I waited for a few minutes, but was afraid he might return, so I struggled several times to get up. After falling a few times, I finally stood up, shaking violently. I was in shock and losing a lot of blood. I clumsily stumbled into the street and tried to waive someone down, but after several vehicles drove by, either looking straight ahead ignoring my presence, or looking over but continuing on, I lost all hope and felt my strength waning. I thought I was going to bleed out in the street, but the final car in the long line of cars, stopped. She rushed back to her house to call for help. I was taken to the E.R. and they did the rape exam (which is humiliating and traumatic) before I was whisked off to surgery. I woke up hours later and the surgeon said it was a miracle I survived and my angels were definitely with me that day. I had a torn rotator cuff, and a brachial plexus injury in addition to all the stab wounds and cuts. I have lifelong damage to my jaw, mouth, and face and it is hard to smile, chew, swallow, and I cannot feel a kiss from my grandkids. I also have nerve damage to one arm and when anyone touches it or hugs me, I get an extremely painful electric like shock shooting through it.

After the attack I thought it was over and I was so wrong. Then the nightmares, PTSD, excruciating pain, paranoia, difficulty doing anything with my injured hands, and other issues reared their ugly heads. Then there was dealing with the court of public opinion (why was she out that early, why was she wearing shorts, etc.), victim shaming / blaming (you need to get over it, stop playing the victim, etc.), self-doubt and hatred, struggle with my faith, the could haves, should haves, would haves, and watching my loved ones dealing with their trauma. It was so overwhelming and I made a half-hearted suicide attempt. I did not want to die, especially after fighting so hard to survive, I just wanted the pain to end. I went down to the police station to go over everything for what seemed the hundredth time and had to step out of the room when I got overwhelmed. I overheard the detectives saying my affect was flat and I wasn’t acting like someone who had just been through a traumatic event. I was so livid and thought, “Are you kidding me? Is there a handbook on how to act?” As a child, I had endured so many beatings at the hands of my psychotic alcoholic father, had been sexually molested, endured school bullies, and had gone through several domestic violence relationships as an adult. This attack was just another thing to add to the mix. This only added to my social awkwardness.

A couple of months later a young beautiful 18-year-old woman was murdered and I felt a connection to that crime. The detectives said it was two different MOs and they were not related at all. Both crimes were unsolved until the monster came forward and confessed nineteen years later. They let him go while they investigated to make sure he was truly the perpetrator. During that time, he went to Spokane and committed other crimes. The DNA matched in my case as well as another woman he raped 7 days after my attack. She had passed away so they did not charge him for that crime. He was also the one who murdered the beautiful young woman. He received 3 life sentences but only has to serve 10 years on each of the 3 charges for a total of 30 years. He is eligible for parole in 2049.

Years after he went to prison, I received a notification that he had been transferred to another facility and then a few months later that he had been transferred back to the state prison. I watch too many crime shows and panicked. What if he had escaped during transport? I called the Department of Corrections and spoke with an amazing victim liaison and she mentioned the VIP (Victim Impact Panels). She got me into their upcoming conference and trainings and I have been presenting ever since. She was my angel when I needed one and everything was perfect timing.

I began my journey of finding my voice and speaking with inmates as well as other survivors. I do Victim Impact Panels in the prisons to hopefully help the inmates see how it is from the victim's viewpoint and the effects of trauma and how far reaching it is. I, also, am a Survivor Speak member for Jane Doe No More (and they recently added John Doe No More). I am also contemplating volunteering at the YWCA to work with victims of domestic violence and other crimes. It has been so healing for me to know how it impacts and helps others. I realized I was so focused on what I had been through and had overlooked that I had been given the wonderful gift of a second chance at life. I no longer wanted to waste that time; that I could pay it forward and use it for good. Most of the panels I have done, at least one inmate comments on how badass I am, and that makes me feel stronger and blessed. I am also writing a book, which has been extremely healing to put it all into words.  I am living on God’s strength and know he is the reason I am still here. 

I am truly blessed to be a part of this amazing tribe! Thank you for all you do to lift up and support all of us badass warriors! (Lol, that sounds like I am describing a bra!)  I AM is my favorite collection because it is affirmation that I am all of the positive things listed. I struggled with Imposter Syndrome as well as survivor's guilt during most of my rape/attempted deliberate homicide journey and kept thinking I wasn't strong like people told me I was. I now know that narrative is no longer needed nor valid. Thank you so much for the positive message I so needed!

Here are a couple articles written about the cold case: 

https://www.ktvq.com/homepage-showcase/24-years-later-and-its-still-raw-billings-woman-reflects-on-1998-cold-case-shares-healing-journey-with-convicted-felons?fbclid=IwAR3KQieS2dvRQDjZpyKPnQ8lbXQyvVmNU_mqtT_RCOAytwwzQsBy7vkQAiQ_aem_AUjj5IBKvBFoh69wK2P5rcbXxQ8fT8DgMH7dbGR-GqhR_y0Ezy_Ul-4PK-_caC28-OQ

https://yellowstonevalleywoman.com/jane-doe-no-more