Michelle's Story: Putting The Bad Behind Me

As a two year old, my grandparents found me in my house locked in a room with a box of cereal and a potty chair. They were told the neighbor was watching me and the neighbor was told they were watching me. Anyway, I was told they took my mother, their oldest daughter to court and had me taken away from her. Anyway, I had a great childhood thanks to them.

When I was thirteen I was raped, became pregnant from that rape. I had to grow up fast in that nine months and decided the best thing for my child and myself was to give her up for adoption. I now have a child out there that’s 43 now. I forgot to tell you, I’m 56 now. 

In my early 20’s and throughout my years, till I was 52, I was involved in abusive relationships.

I got pregnant at age 28 by a man I was supposed to marry. I lost my daughter on October 25,1994 because the cord wrapped around her neck when she turned into birth position. Mind you I was already in the hospital because of what I thought were labor pains. They told me it was false labor and were going to send me home but on last check there was no heartbeat. I told the doctor I thought it was my appendix but they told me I had no idea what I was talking about. I had been an x-ray tech so I knew where my body parts were. Anyway it ended up to be acute appendicitis. When they did an exploratory my appendix ruptured. I wish it killed me so I could be with my daughter. 

I forget to tell you in between all this I was molested by my step father when I went and actually lived with my mother for a short time. When I told her about it I was told it was my problem. Haha this is what you tell your child?? Anyway I became a hot mess, doing drugs to take away the pain. I was caught holding someone else’s drugs and refused to give them up. Because of what was in my system I was told I needed rehab or juvenile detention. I chose rehab because I knew I could still get drugs there. Through a lot of crap I made it through. 

I made choices in men that were hurtful to me physically, mentally and emotionally the rest of my life. I lost my daughter and was diagnosed with cancer that gave me no option of having another child. I have a child who’s 43 out there and have no idea who’s she’s become, a child that died and I’m an hot mess. I don’t know my own worth to this day.

I found your site on Facebook and it spoke to me. I’ve never wanted to share my story, but today as I’m having one too many drinks thinking of my daughter Desiree that will be 29 on Tuesday, I decided to write this in hopes it would help me.

I don’t know if it’s going to help me, but I wanted others that may have gone through something similar that I’m 56 and still very broken. I’m trying to move on from what I’ve been through and there’s more than I’ve told you, but it’s very painful to relive all of it. 

The Phoenix collection is what resonates with me. I can’t afford to buy too many things but reading the stories of others help me. I do have the “you don’t know my story” leggings and those mean a lot to me.  I’ve been told I’m heartless and am cold. That’s why that specific one resonates with me. 

I’m still healing and don’t know if I’ll ever truly heal, but this has helped. 

My hope is that others know they’re not alone and with help, something I never got will come through.

I’ve since moved to Florida in hopes I can put the bad behind me. Some still follows me, but I’m still hoping I’ll find peace and love.

Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for creating the brand as it’s helped me have hope.