My Name is Heather and I’m a Beautiful Disaster.
beau·ti·ful
adjective
- pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.
of a very high standard; excellent.
dis·as·ter
noun
- a sudden event, such as an accident or a natural catastrophe, that causes great damage or loss of life
Hi, My name is Heather and I’m a Beautiful Disaster.
When Christina approached me to share my story, I thought, “Sure, anything for my friend”. I didn’t give it much thought. I know why I am a beautiful disaster, because I went through something hard and came out the other side right? Then I looked up beautiful and disaster and here is what I found: (see definitions). WOW, that is me to a Tee.
Since the first time I can remember I have been restless, irritable and discontent. I had a mother who did her best and several step fathers who did so as well. Needless to say I did not have an emotionally sound environment growing up, but really, who does these days. By the time I hit my freshman year in high school I was so uncomfortable in my skin I had to relieve the pressure. I picked up my first drink and drug and I finally felt at peace. 4 months later, and the ripe age of 13, I was checked into my first rehab. I will save you hours of story time and get to the point.
By the time I was 29 years old, I was drinking around the clock or passed out. I had muscle atrophy in my hands so they no longer functioned properly, my body was yellow and jaundice from my liver failing, I was throwing up every morning, and towards the end, severe hallucinations. I lost job number 564, was kicked out of house number 349, and at my bottom. I was dying of alcoholism and I couldn’t stop.
Hopeless and desperate, was the best place to be. For a brief moment, I felt sick enough and willing enough at the same time to do something about my drinking. I got the help that I needed and began a new way of life. Simple but not easy, a price had to be paid. I was able to slowly start rebuilding my life. Today I have a home, a job, friends, my health, a family and self-love. I’m able to be of service to others and not be a taker and destroyer anymore. I am happy to report I haven’t picked up a drink or a drug in over 6.5 years. That in it of itself would make for a great BD story but I have found so much more.
I look at the definition of DISASTER: a sudden event, such as an accident or a natural catastrophe, that causes great damage or loss of life, and I see that the sudden event was getting sober. The loss of life was the life of drinking. And BEAUTIFUL: pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically, is my life today. I spend most all of my time outside of work serving others or fighting for what I believe in. I have discovered WHO I AM! So many people go their entire life never knowing who they are or what they want and if they do find out, they’re too afraid to go after it. I have seen the end. Fuck the end!!! I choose life. I choose life everyday by every choice I make. Us Beautiful Disasters are unique and wonderful. We are fighters and champions. We are truly living life.
Original Submission: 6/23/15
Would you like to share your story and be featured on the Beautiful Disaster Blog? Please email christie@bdrocks.com