Valerie's Story: My Beautiful Disaster So Far

I met Sean when I was 31 years old.  We dated and fell in love quickly, and were married when I was 32, in 2004.  I had been told by 3 different doctors I could never get pregnant, but on Christmas Eve that year, we found out our son was on the way!

The pregnancy was difficult, and I had a rare eclampsia called HELLP Syndrome.  I had blood clots in my lungs and then my liver started bleeding.  I was bleeding internally.  I swelled up to over 300 pounds and I had not gained a single pound with the pregnancy.  I was barely 32 weeks and they did an emergency vertical c-section then cauderized my liver.  I was cut from my sternum to my pelvic bone..  I was air carried to another hospital and put up for a possible liver transplant.  They brought my son over for me and my family.  He was 2 pounds and in NICU.  I was on life support for 8 days.  He was due August 25, 2005 but was born July 2, 2005.

My husband was in jail for domestic violence, he did not hit me, but did a lot of damage to our apartment.  They had brought him to my side to say goodbye at one point.

Finally. I came around and started getting better.  My liver started to heal.  I met my son on day 8.  He was so tiny.  He was in NICU for 48 days.

I have been disabled and not allowed to work ever since.  I have had about a dozen surgeries since.

My husband and I divorced in 2007, but stayed together dating.  

My father became ill with lung and multiple myeloma cancers and I helped my mother with caregiving.  Dad passed away October 23, 2009.

I remarried my husband April, 2012.  In May, 2012 he was diagnosed with Leukemia.  We had to go to the hospital everyday for platelets or blood, or both, and he stayed in the hospital once a month for 5 days for chemo.

He passed away from an infection in November, 2012.  My son took it very hard.  He was 7.

After all that, I wanted to feel nothing.  So, I began to abuse my percocet.  I never did anything else out of fear, but I did my percocet.  One morning in March, 2016 I ended up in hospital with double pneumonia.  My family and my son told me if I didn't get straight, I couldn't go home.  I came out of hospital clean and never looked back.  I did rehab at 19 days clean, but that place was a joke.  They told people it was OK if they relapsed, and it wasn't their fault. 

While there, my brother and SIL took custody of my son and stole him.  It wasn't supposed to happen.  It took 3 years and a lawyer to get him back with their lies.

I'll be clean 5 years on April 6, 2021!!! 

But, I will say, when I was abusing my pills, while I didn't care about me, my son was in school every day, he was clean, homework done, he was fed and didn't need anything.  I ALWAYS took care of him.

Now, my son and I live with my mom who is 80.  She has had a few strokes, brain surgery, 2 heart surgeries, etc.  He helps me caregive for her.  She doesn't drive, so I'm the only driver in the house.  I do all the laundry, cleaning, shopping, some cooking since she still likes too and I won't take it from her, and chauffeur. 

So, that's my Beautiful Disaster so far.