Wendy's Story: Beautifully Broken
I am 43 years old, and I lost my infant son at birth to begin with. He was stillborn about 20 years ago, and every November, I struggle with wishing I had my son and with thinking it was a blessing in disguise. My son’s father was my first husband, and he was a verbally and emotionally abusive man. He controlled damn near every aspect of my life for almost a decade until I finally got the courage to leave when he started getting physically abusive to me. I had a friend who was willing to help me pack what I could in my car and drive away. He used to control what I ate, how much, when. Who I talked to, what I wore, how much I could spend, what I could do. It was like living in hell. I always wanted to ride a motorcycle, and my ex used to tell me I was too short and not coordinated enough to do that. Well, the joke is on him! I have been riding for about 8 years now, and I have an Indian Chieftain Darkhorse. I have spent the last 12 years of my life since leaving him working on being a stronger, more confident woman.
I still struggle to this day, but I also have a BD sister, Sondra, that has been a great support for me as well as me for her. She is going through her divorce from a controlling, emotionally & verbally abusive man herself, and her and I initially met because we both had BD clothing on and started talking. We became friends about 3 years ago and have become like sisters. I flew to Colorado to support her while she went through breast cancer surgery, and she has supported me in my emotional times.
BD represents all of us who have been handed shit hands in one way or another, and it encourages us to stand strong and proud of who we are. If it had not been for BD, I might not have one of my very best friends in my life.
My life has been a roller coaster of emotions and trials. Between losing my child, two divorces (the second husband cheated on me), and a sister that is just like my first ex-husband, I have learned to set boundaries and stick to them! I have grown in my own self-worth and even done a boudoir shoot!
My life is a constant battle of remembering my worth and staying positive. I have a very patient man in my life now that does love me for me, and I have to work every day to believe that he won’t do to me what has been done in the past. Sondra has become my BFB, Best Fucking Bitch, and Beautiful Disaster has been the connection between us. I had to include her in my blog photo, she's on the left and I'm on right!
I can’t choose just one favorite item, but my wallet is with me every day, so it reminds me to be strong and that I am not the only one out there that has traumas. I also have a tattoo that says Beautifully Broken because damn it…I may be broken in some ways and may never fully heal, but I am a beautiful woman who cares deeply and deserves to achieve my goals.
Thank you to Christina and BD for all they do! The inspiration that comes from all the different sets is amazing! My closet is full of BD apparel and Indian Motorcycle clothing!!!
Comments
Nikki Evans said:
Hello my name is Nicole Evans also known as Nicole Warner, I am 31 years old and I live out in the country. I felt I should share my story with people that could relate to the pain in our lives the unfortunate events that we face. I have been to hell and back so many times. I have had very traumatic events happen when I was a child due to my step dad being very physically mentally and emotionally abusive as my mom is gone all the time after that I was tossed into foster care after a few years of the abuse. I was in the system for almost two and a half years before I got adopted to a wonderful family in 2003. And then ended up thinking I fell in love with my high school sweetheart, I was terribly wrong. Very manipulative relationship and ended up pregnant at 17 years old I would not go back and change that no matter how much I disliked my baby’s dad. I got to share so many memories with my beautiful baby boy Jasper. Until suddenly I put trust in the wrong area when I was struggling most in my life from all my traumas and my past consumed me and I needed an escape. I ended up asking as I thought extended family to take care of my son for a short time so I could get back on my feet and be the mom I should be for him within that struggle they took advantage of the situation as I thought I did a good idea and trusted too much. In the end I ended up losing my baby boy to the Satan workers they took it in their own hands and now I suffer everyday since 2014 without my baby boy watching him grow up protecting him from the world that hide so much it has been a very hard struggle also the fact that I have had two other pregnancies fail, I had two ectopic pregnancies and now I forever am unable to have children due to a surgery I needed to have from cysts and if I braid tumor that was causing severe pain. I feel like can fit in with this group I have to say I truly love the Phoenix line you guys have. I actually have a beautiful large Phoenix on my leg I got and thought of one of my very good friends that also had passed in the last 5 years. She would always tell me Nikki you have been through so much how do you still stand every day go to work take care of yourself and handle being so strong. I can never do that I don’t even have half the strength you have given and shown. With that being said I always need to remind myself even on my darkest days no matter what my baby angel is always going to be by my side and I have this wonderful tribe family here that I can also lean on and support. I wanted to thank you all and wish you the best much love Nikki Evan
Patricia Wojciak said:
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I had to spend a year in a domestic violence/ substance abuse recovery home. Starting over and over many times due to my inability to get and stay sober. My beautiful 25 year old son shot himself in the head 7 years ago. My 33 year old nephew hung himself 3 years ago. 2 years ago the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with put a diamond ring with the promise of marriage on another woman’s finger. I don’t know where I’d be without my Tribe of Beautiful Disasters! Comfort, strength and hope is just 3 of the qualities I’ve gained from this tribe of Beautiful women and I am ever so grateful.
Peggy said:
I Love all your stories! I’ve been through it all. It is what keeps me going; when one door closes another is on its way to open right in front of you. So never say never, and never give up.
My story but I’ll keep it short. I have been through many relationships, I will never let anyone take advantage of me anymore, they don’t like who I am they can leave. I’m a kind gentle soul, a natural nurturer, I give it my all, but know when to hold back from being abused and mistreated for what I have and what I can give someone.
I’ve been, through 2 miscarriages, been divorced, and raised a son who I adore going through leaps and bounds even though he has a learning disability, he never gives up, so I won’t give up. I’ve been through a lot of jobs, but can’t seem to find my nitch. You’re all so inspiring, keep going and never give up. A judge once said to me after I commented I’m never getting married again, he said never say never, there is always someone out there looking for a person like you. Still waiting on that note, love being single and I am very content, no need to deal with all the drama. It can stay there.
So all you find ladies, keep writing your stories, and never give up. Sometimes it’s good to write it down and get it off your chest.
Sincerely, Peggy
Tracy said:
I am 52 yrs old and have shit luck with men. The one man I had found that finally loved me for me. Everybit of me flaws and all, passed away on March22, 2023. 20 days after my 51st birthday, 2 days after his 52nd birthday, and that not all, it was 4days shy of our 8 yr anniversary. We knew his heart had issues, he had a pacemaker. I found out approx. A wk after his death that when he had gone for his 6mnth check up on his heart on March 2 2023( my birthday) that he had been informed his heart was only working at 13percent with the pacemakers help and about 7percent on its own. He was told then that the likelihood that he would live out the next 12 months was less then 10percent. Yet instead of telling me he kept quiet cuz he planned to surprise me on our anniversary hugely by telling me he had alrdy planned out and paid for our wedding etc, by taking me on a sunset dinner cruise of the 1000islands in Ontario Canada that the wedding party, and Minister would be a part of, as would our family and friends. How did I discover this while going thru the paperwork for all household affairs, cuz he took care of that. I stumbled across an envelope address to me that said incase of my unexpected death please read as soon as you find this, and remember always my “little one” that was his pet name for me, I will always be by ur side watching over u, protecting u, but most importantly REMEMBER I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BEYOND TILL THE STARS STOP SHINING, AND AFTER EVEN IN THE TOTAL DARKNESS OF ETERNITY.
This message stopped me dead in my tracks, I made myself coffee, grabbed a smoke, and my favorite Squishmellow stuffy and TYBeanie stuffy from him and Sar on our bed to read the letter. He poured his heart out, and begged me to forgive him for not telling me but he wanted our wedding to go off with out the cloud of why is he REALLY DOING THIS ALL RIGHT NOW DOUBT, in my mind or any of our family and friends minds He swore he planned on telling me as soon as our honeymoon was over and we were back home. As u mite imagine I crumbled, I was decanted caught between being asked and crush as well as being mad as hell he jipped me outta making the most of those few last weeks with him.
This was the begging of my very quick spiral into depression, and self destruction. He was my world my life, I didn’t know how to go on. After 17yrs drug free I feel off the wagon so to speak, and picked up a method pipe. A drug far beyond any previous drugs I had done in my life, and I just wanted to die. No will or ambition to continue living. I wanted to be with him, and I was on a surefire path to ensure that happened.
I’m happy to say it did not, thanks in NO SMALL PART TO MY BESTIE, AND MY FURBABIES, ONE I PARTICULAR. ITS BEEN 15MNTHS AND 1 WK SINCE HIS DEATH, AND IM HAPPY TO SAY, IM NOW 5MNTHS CLEAN&SOBER, I’ve had my 1st grandchild, since,& my second is on the way due in mid September. I’m still trying everyday, but I also admit that most days I still can’t find the strength to get outta bed, I still suffer&want to die most days. But I’m still here.
Rebecca Hartmann said:
OMFG y’all…I’m a little over a week away from my divorce trial with the man who I thought would be by my side til death until I found out he was really a monster that’s now out to erase my existence. I was feeling so very defeated and then I found this site and you all have given me a renewed hope that maybe, just maybe, this monster might not succeed and truly be seen by everyone, for what he truly is. God bless your powerful messages that so many of us need in our darkest moments. Thank you so much for having the strength and resilience to rise above your pain and share your stories with us. In times of trauma and strife, it just feels so lonely and defeating and y’all have no idea how much a message like this can help us find our way outta the dark and light the way back to ourselves when it feels like we had nothing left. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I desperately needed this today. I hope you all find the calm, love, and light after the storm.
Jennifer said:
You are a very strong beautiful woman I think a lot of us to this day struggle but now we have an outlet to make our way through it. You take it day by day and you can do anything
Sheila said:
I lost my son when he was 22. I too have been in very abusive relationships. I swore off dating last 16 years. I got two motorcycles.. I’m forever broken. My son and hus gurlfripases in tragic carvwteck Christmas 2014. His friend hung himself after the funeral. Everyday isca battle. The roar of that bike gives me peace
Robin Van said:
You are one amazing chick! Inspiring and strong, don’t ever forget that. Thank you
Mary Ann said:
I too left a severely abusive husband. Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. Thank goodness for this tribe!
Blue Witch said:
That’s similar to part of my story. Thank you for being brave enough to share. Both of you beautiful ladies stay positive and wonderfully strong!
Lisa Hawk said:
Beautifully said. I can so so relate on many aspects as I have also had many people in my life who I trusted that have hurt me in such away as literally feeling like having my back stabbed. Yes I’m beautifully broken too. Thanks Beautiful Disaster clothing line. I feel such an amazing connection to you all.